Crisis

Things have happened, but I just can't put them into words in front of me. Not again.

Tears

Inside of Me

I am like the ocean

Deep and vast

On sunny days, I feel calm

When the wind rushes, the waves swell.

But no matter

If it's sunny, or if it's windy

I will always be there

Strong and fighting.

Fun (Question Mark?)

Well, the only interesting thing that happened today was me and Rueyying going to Amcorp Mall to buy some materials for, uhh...the signboard cum farewell card for Pn Sim's retirement. Only one more week with her, need to work fast, but also make sure everything is perfect. Pn Sim is probably my favourite teacher this year, followed by Cedric. Okay anyway, after school today, it was like raining super heavily, and I was like trapped with nothing to do, so I went to chit-chat with Pei Kee, and then me and Rueyying left at like, 3.15? The whole walk there, I was telling her stories and stuff. And then we had fun, HAHA, don't think dirty. Fun while picking colours and stuff, gosh I love colour-matching. Laughed alot, and I feel somewhat happy to 'menyumbang idea dan tenaga' in this (Did moral project until I went like, insane, I'll get to that later). Then we were done with the materials and went for McD ice cream. Mmm, chocolate sundae. (♥) And then walked back to school, then in front of the school, she thought her mom's car was already there and started freaking out, asking me to look-out for the number plate if it really is her mom. (She isn't allowed out of the school, and no Facebook, no Internet and now no phone because apparently her mom says 'Technology will ruin her future'. In the end it wasn't her, so all was well. We parted and we walked back to the LRT station opposite Amcorp Mall, which was where I came from. Walked back just to accompany Rueyying, obviously I'm not gonna let her go back alone, right? Went to KLCC and walked around, seeing stuff (So many of the shops have shifted, e.g. LV was replaced with Coach o.0), and texting also. Then went over to Pavilion with my parents to have dinner. Manhattan Fish Market ♥ :D, mom's vouchers too much for the 3 of us (Bro's in Genting) so had to take-away one whole meal. Lunch for me tomorrow, yay!

Anyway, about the moral project. I got fucked by the teacher countless times for my shoddy and tardy work. I HAVE FINALLY MANAGED TO FINISH IT UP TO HER LIKING. After lots and lots of...alterations in the end, but still, ACHIEVEMENT!

Feeling a little, let's say perturbed, today (I don't like the words 'depressed' or 'sad'). Can't seem to figure out why, it's like the problem is there, yet it isn't, but the effect still is. Turbulences in the teenage mind, the path of self-discovery and enlightening is a long and rocky road, but it's inevitable, so the best is to just accept everything life throws at me. :D Will "Keep Calm and Carry On"!

Titanic-sized Love

Rose: I love you, Jack.

Jack: Don't you do that, don't say your goodbyes.

Rose: I'm so cold.

Jack: Listen, Rose. You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on and make lots of babies, and you're gonna watch them grow. You're gonna die an old... an old lady warm in her bed, but not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?

Rose: I can't feel my body.

Jack: Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me... it brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that, Rose. I'm thankful. You must do me this honor, Rose. Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.

Rose: I promise.

Jack: Never let go.

Rose: I'll never let go. I'll never let go, Jack.

Hello November!

It's a new month, hoping things will go well this month, especially these two weeks. The last weeks of school for this year, don't wanna screw anything up, but well if I do, too bad. Not too good for the starting of a month though today. Holidays starting after school next Friday, need to start planning out my holiday agenda. I wanna go beach camping, or at least a fun day in the sun :D Don't you think that's, like, so awesome? For now, I just feel like taking a nice nap.

Mess

Sometimes it feels like this.
But, sometimes it feels fucking great to be one too.

Witchery.

Singing for Pn Sim's retirement is still on apparently, because we love her so much. But initially we lacked people, and we needed 10 for today's full rehearsal and on the graduation day. That got me freaking pissed because there's no cooperation from people. God dammit. And thus, I was angry for about half an hour, and then it was okay. I tried to escape the clutches of the fucking bitch moral teacher, going down to the UBK room and helping teachers key-in stuff. Unfortunately for me, the witch didn't leave the classroom even after her period. I should have known actually, since it was a relief period and she's a bitch, but still, I had to go up to get my back down, no?

On another note, Biology wasn't as bad as I thought, the best one so far anyway. We'll see about that when Paper 2 is returned, whenever that is.

I destroyed my beautiful blog appearance yesterday when I accidentally clicked on a Dynamic Mode theme, and it resulted in totalling my layout, and I have to re-do it again. So for now, this will be what it looks like, maybe I'll keep this since it doesn't look that bad. Colour tones still don't really compliment each other though.

Cookies!

Aww Kyan, your cookies. Such a loving caring gesture. (Okay this kinda sounds sarcastic, but it's sincere, and this has probably nothing to do with me LOL) But to someone, it would probably mean the world, and then some.  Baked with effort and love. The cookies were nice by the way :D Not too sweet (but they say sweet, don't know) kinda chewy, soft already maybe? :x Inspired me to go bake cookies also, if only I could find the ingredients...:x Damn, forgot to take photos of your cookies, Rueyying brought her camera today, and I managed to take a few shots only, not as productive as the usual 200+ photos, and I still haven't gotten a new profile picture for myself, obviously I'm not gonna go take one of me in the mirror cause I don't do that, plus my phone's camera is shoddy and the compact camera isn't much better anyway. Oh well

They looked something like this, not exactly though.
CLOSE ENOUGH! 

Yum.

Pan-fried salmon with a minty white sauce and cheesy spiral pasta with salmon (from the same piece). I'm such a good cook. HAHAHAH. Too bad can't take a photo of it because I don't have a camera (and I already eaten like half of it, but still) But, imagine the deliciousness, the awesomeness. Then you'll get the idea.

"Dear Fucker,

You are my fucking friend

And I hope you know that's fucking true

No matter what the fuck happens

I will stand the fuck by you

I will fucking be there for you

Whenever the fuck you need me,

FUCK, I will always be there."

— Tumblr. ♥

Like, totally.

Blank

First day of school, after one week. And then in another two weeks, I'll be bidding farewell to my life as a Form Four student. My, how time flies. I guess the old fun goes, for the new fun to come along. Some, well quite a few, exam papers have been returned. And they ain't looking too good. But, there are improvements, minor ones, but nevertheless improvements. Like add maths going from 28 (final) to 38 (w/o PEBEL). Not too bright, but still. Drew some blanks here and there, but nothing to be worried about. :D Just sometimes the suspense before taking the paper is...surprising. Oh well, I'm okay with everything.

Well not everything, Pn Sim's retirement (noooooo D:) is on Thursday together with the graduation ceremony for the Form Fives (our turn next year). And originally they asked for volunteers, 15 or so people to sing during the ceremony. But then, today before the rehearsal, they cut down to 5-6 people and want us to combine with other classes. The nerve! So in the end, John decided to pull out, but then they kind of are forcing (?) us to sing, with 10 people. Now I can't find two more, totally annoyed.

At least, I probably won't get a failing grade this term, ACHIEVEMENT. Next year will be better, definitely! only two more weeks to the end of the schoolyear. NO MORE CLIMBING UP 4 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS EVERYDAY MULTIPLE TIMES! Totally... and now, my mind just went blank. So, I'll just go find a nice photo to be included here...one second.

You, are like the leaf,

In the autumn

If you don't change when supposed,

You'll be stuck there for a longer time.

When you fall, you move,

With the wind of the sky,

And the flow of the streams.

But, changing into wrong,

Falling into wrong places,

Will just get you stuck elsewhere.

Make a change,

No,

Be the change.

Move on when all else fails.

Don't get stuck,

Don't.

Carefree, not careless.

Peace

When the power of love 

Overcomes the love of power,

 The world will know peace.
♥

Silence isn't always golden.

The haunting silence of night.

"Silence makes real conversations. Not the saying, but never needing to say is what counts."

"Words will sting, but silence is what breaks the heart." -Phyllis McGinely

"Tears are a sometimes sign of unspoken happiness, and a smile is sometimes a silent pain."

"Music is the silence between the notes."

"If you do not understand my silence, how can you understand my words?"

"Silence is a person's loudest cry. You know they are truly hurt when they start ignoring you." -Brandon Hughes.

"Sometimes I don't tell you what I'm feeling, because I'm hoping the silence between us will give you a clue."

"Most of us do not desire silence. An absence of sound can amount to torture."

With these sealed lips.

Away

This is me reporting from the Bukit Bendera Resort, Mentakab, Pahang. It's not much of a resort anyway, quaint little town here, not the first time I've been here though, this is the 4th or 5th time already. Mom's dance party is tomorrow morning, and I still haven't prepared my speech thing fully. Shit -.- And my moral project, oh dear, when will I get start on that.

The Internet connection is freaking slow here, yeah, public WiFi, better than nothing yeah? At least I'm still able to get on FB (though there's no one there so basically I'm alone, HOW SAD) and taking forever to load YouTube videos, so I guess i'm going to listen to the same song over and over again but I don't mind anyway, it's a nice song I've been playing for like, 5 days already? Innocence by Avril Lavigne. <3

McD's new Classic Chicken McDeluxe was nice, had that for lunch just now. Something different, well not really, it's basically a crisped-up more meaty McChicken in the Spicy Chicken McDeluxe burger's bun, but nevertheless, it ain't bad.

I am, like, so awkward. There's a mirror in front of me, behind this laptop I'm on now, and I'm like looking up every 30 seconds and smiling retardedly at myself. And I think I'm following like too many gay porn-based Tumblr blogs, but I don't care :D Just that I'm not at liberty to keep my Tumblr dashboard open when there are people around, oh well.

Being normal is lame.

Unique and different is the next generation of beautiful.

Different doesn't always mean weird, sometimes it's just doing something that you've never done before, taking the chances, making your decisions according to yourself, not the norm. And being unique, special, different, makes you hard to be forgotten and replaced. :D That's why special people are OUTSTANDING! Conforming to the likes of other people is like being in war and then surrendering, how sad. And first, this weirdness won't always be visible to others, but when you look at yourself, you know you're special. :D

If "it" meant my sanity.

Skins

It's just so touching, when the characters in Skins hold each other's hand to comfort each other. To reassure them that they're safe. So fucking nice, how they fight, and then apologize with so much emotion. To love, when you think the world is falling apart at your fingertips. It isn't just a sex-filled, potty-mouthed drug-fest. And it's one of the best and painfully true TV shows out there. >< The dilemmas, the mental-instability, the life of a young adult, portrayed boldly on the screen. Just, awesome.

Morning.

Good morning world! I can tell today, will be another boring one. And apparently my phone charges up super fast, it just notified me 'Battery Full' and I plugged it in barely 45 minutes ago. As usual, gonna spent the day sitting here (maybe catch a movie, because I just realized I could plop a DVD into the computer drive and just watch it here, damn I'm retarded) and do my fucking moral project, and then plan my speech, and last but the most friggin' annoying thing, the SM Dude and Fatty Virgin's holiday homework. -Sigh- Putting off things has always been my style, but then I'd just end up with a shitload of work in the end. Complicated. -.-

I opened up my eyes this morning, well about an hour ago, and then I went back to sleep because I wanted to continue that dream. But then, I don't remember it. The good dreams always seem to vanished just like that, while the nightmares linger on. Oh well.

And slowly, the truth behind "If saying what I think makes me a bitch, then so be it" makes so much more sense now, 'cause well, I say it like it is. But in the end, everybody has their own way. So, just let it be. x)