Cookies!

Aww Kyan, your cookies. Such a loving caring gesture. (Okay this kinda sounds sarcastic, but it's sincere, and this has probably nothing to do with me LOL) But to someone, it would probably mean the world, and then some.  Baked with effort and love. The cookies were nice by the way :D Not too sweet (but they say sweet, don't know) kinda chewy, soft already maybe? :x Inspired me to go bake cookies also, if only I could find the ingredients...:x Damn, forgot to take photos of your cookies, Rueyying brought her camera today, and I managed to take a few shots only, not as productive as the usual 200+ photos, and I still haven't gotten a new profile picture for myself, obviously I'm not gonna go take one of me in the mirror cause I don't do that, plus my phone's camera is shoddy and the compact camera isn't much better anyway. Oh well

They looked something like this, not exactly though.
CLOSE ENOUGH! 

Yum.

Pan-fried salmon with a minty white sauce and cheesy spiral pasta with salmon (from the same piece). I'm such a good cook. HAHAHAH. Too bad can't take a photo of it because I don't have a camera (and I already eaten like half of it, but still) But, imagine the deliciousness, the awesomeness. Then you'll get the idea.

"Dear Fucker,

You are my fucking friend

And I hope you know that's fucking true

No matter what the fuck happens

I will stand the fuck by you

I will fucking be there for you

Whenever the fuck you need me,

FUCK, I will always be there."

— Tumblr. ♥

Like, totally.

Blank

First day of school, after one week. And then in another two weeks, I'll be bidding farewell to my life as a Form Four student. My, how time flies. I guess the old fun goes, for the new fun to come along. Some, well quite a few, exam papers have been returned. And they ain't looking too good. But, there are improvements, minor ones, but nevertheless improvements. Like add maths going from 28 (final) to 38 (w/o PEBEL). Not too bright, but still. Drew some blanks here and there, but nothing to be worried about. :D Just sometimes the suspense before taking the paper is...surprising. Oh well, I'm okay with everything.

Well not everything, Pn Sim's retirement (noooooo D:) is on Thursday together with the graduation ceremony for the Form Fives (our turn next year). And originally they asked for volunteers, 15 or so people to sing during the ceremony. But then, today before the rehearsal, they cut down to 5-6 people and want us to combine with other classes. The nerve! So in the end, John decided to pull out, but then they kind of are forcing (?) us to sing, with 10 people. Now I can't find two more, totally annoyed.

At least, I probably won't get a failing grade this term, ACHIEVEMENT. Next year will be better, definitely! only two more weeks to the end of the schoolyear. NO MORE CLIMBING UP 4 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS EVERYDAY MULTIPLE TIMES! Totally... and now, my mind just went blank. So, I'll just go find a nice photo to be included here...one second.

You, are like the leaf,

In the autumn

If you don't change when supposed,

You'll be stuck there for a longer time.

When you fall, you move,

With the wind of the sky,

And the flow of the streams.

But, changing into wrong,

Falling into wrong places,

Will just get you stuck elsewhere.

Make a change,

No,

Be the change.

Move on when all else fails.

Don't get stuck,

Don't.

Carefree, not careless.

Peace

When the power of love 

Overcomes the love of power,

 The world will know peace.
♥

Silence isn't always golden.

The haunting silence of night.

"Silence makes real conversations. Not the saying, but never needing to say is what counts."

"Words will sting, but silence is what breaks the heart." -Phyllis McGinely

"Tears are a sometimes sign of unspoken happiness, and a smile is sometimes a silent pain."

"Music is the silence between the notes."

"If you do not understand my silence, how can you understand my words?"

"Silence is a person's loudest cry. You know they are truly hurt when they start ignoring you." -Brandon Hughes.

"Sometimes I don't tell you what I'm feeling, because I'm hoping the silence between us will give you a clue."

"Most of us do not desire silence. An absence of sound can amount to torture."

With these sealed lips.

Away

This is me reporting from the Bukit Bendera Resort, Mentakab, Pahang. It's not much of a resort anyway, quaint little town here, not the first time I've been here though, this is the 4th or 5th time already. Mom's dance party is tomorrow morning, and I still haven't prepared my speech thing fully. Shit -.- And my moral project, oh dear, when will I get start on that.

The Internet connection is freaking slow here, yeah, public WiFi, better than nothing yeah? At least I'm still able to get on FB (though there's no one there so basically I'm alone, HOW SAD) and taking forever to load YouTube videos, so I guess i'm going to listen to the same song over and over again but I don't mind anyway, it's a nice song I've been playing for like, 5 days already? Innocence by Avril Lavigne. <3

McD's new Classic Chicken McDeluxe was nice, had that for lunch just now. Something different, well not really, it's basically a crisped-up more meaty McChicken in the Spicy Chicken McDeluxe burger's bun, but nevertheless, it ain't bad.

I am, like, so awkward. There's a mirror in front of me, behind this laptop I'm on now, and I'm like looking up every 30 seconds and smiling retardedly at myself. And I think I'm following like too many gay porn-based Tumblr blogs, but I don't care :D Just that I'm not at liberty to keep my Tumblr dashboard open when there are people around, oh well.

Being normal is lame.

Unique and different is the next generation of beautiful.

Different doesn't always mean weird, sometimes it's just doing something that you've never done before, taking the chances, making your decisions according to yourself, not the norm. And being unique, special, different, makes you hard to be forgotten and replaced. :D That's why special people are OUTSTANDING! Conforming to the likes of other people is like being in war and then surrendering, how sad. And first, this weirdness won't always be visible to others, but when you look at yourself, you know you're special. :D

If "it" meant my sanity.

Skins

It's just so touching, when the characters in Skins hold each other's hand to comfort each other. To reassure them that they're safe. So fucking nice, how they fight, and then apologize with so much emotion. To love, when you think the world is falling apart at your fingertips. It isn't just a sex-filled, potty-mouthed drug-fest. And it's one of the best and painfully true TV shows out there. >< The dilemmas, the mental-instability, the life of a young adult, portrayed boldly on the screen. Just, awesome.

Morning.

Good morning world! I can tell today, will be another boring one. And apparently my phone charges up super fast, it just notified me 'Battery Full' and I plugged it in barely 45 minutes ago. As usual, gonna spent the day sitting here (maybe catch a movie, because I just realized I could plop a DVD into the computer drive and just watch it here, damn I'm retarded) and do my fucking moral project, and then plan my speech, and last but the most friggin' annoying thing, the SM Dude and Fatty Virgin's holiday homework. -Sigh- Putting off things has always been my style, but then I'd just end up with a shitload of work in the end. Complicated. -.-

I opened up my eyes this morning, well about an hour ago, and then I went back to sleep because I wanted to continue that dream. But then, I don't remember it. The good dreams always seem to vanished just like that, while the nightmares linger on. Oh well.

And slowly, the truth behind "If saying what I think makes me a bitch, then so be it" makes so much more sense now, 'cause well, I say it like it is. But in the end, everybody has their own way. So, just let it be. x)

Enraged.

To the society:

I am enraged! Enraged by the sexism present in the world, the racism, the homophobia, the religiousness. When will it stop? In each case there is no better or worse, we're all the same. Humans are humans, love is love. What is so difficult for the world to understand about that? Going through the posts in Tumblr, tagged #love or #equality or #rights, and I see so many stories. Saddening ones, indeed. But there are many supporters of equality too, that warms my heart. At least there are many others that strive for equality. Life is short, but it's the longest thing you'll ever do. Why spend the days loathing someone unlike you in lifestyle or in appearance, when we go 6-feet under we're going to look the same. The world is an ugly place, that's why fantasy exists, so that everyone can be happy, not just the ones who think they're "RIGHT".

Sure, a man having sex with another man is wrong to many, but a man who has sex with all the girls in the world (and gender-wise vice-versa) isn't right either. Every country says they want peace among citizens and other nations, but you don't accept their views, how do you think any of that will be possible? Racism too, you're a Malay, I'm a Chinese, we're Malaysians. That's what people keep saying, but I don't see any truth in the way they talk, of course, there are always the people that believe in the same cause as I do, and that's good. Full-out liberty might stir up chaos in the streets, but being too conservative leaves a worse impact. I realize I have been agnostic of late, and when I see people saying "It's against the Law of the Bible, or God's word to be gay or what not", I feel ashamed to be called a Christian. Every one is entitled to their own opinion, to voice it out, and not have it slammed down to the dirt. But then, the most important thing is mutual respect. So I shall respect your views, in hopes you respect mine, as in not slandering what I believe. The NO H8 campaign is a step in the right direction, to abolish discrimination and promote equal love, no hate! But all these are just my opinions, with no ill-intentions. x)

Peace, love, equality. ♥
From a whole-hearted liberal supporter for equality.

Day 29

To the person I want to tell everything to, but too afraid to.

Who are you? Do you know who you are first, before you want to know me completely. This may sound something like a refusing devil's pact, I'm not gonna sell myself out to just anyone, you have to earn that right. I want and would tell you everything, but then I don't know how I'd cope with the reaction, the way you look at me. Some thing are better left unbeknownst to you, unless you want to know, but if you think something's up, you'd have to come find me, I'm not going to crawl up to your doorpost and just do it without knowing if you want to know or not. So, there you have it :P Do you exist? That's the question. -B.

Amen.

Random.

Samsung Galaxy W

Currently alone at home, and bored like shit. Even shit might be more interesting, but it's disgusting so I won't observe it. And, I just ate so I might throw up, which is a no-go. ANYWAY, apparently, I haven't completed even one thing from my holiday to-do list, how accomplished am I right? And as for the new Nokia phone, scratch that, I saw Samsung's Galaxy W, it's awesome, though not as gorgeous, but TouchWiz 4.0 and a 1.4GHz processor is awesome. Not actually an Android person, but this one comes with such an attractive price for RM999. Okay, now I sound like a tech-geek. BUT IT'S SO (cheap sounds like a horrible word) AFFORDABLE! And it doesn't look that bad either. This is like, a hobby to me now. :X

AND THE HUNGER GAMES. Damn, I just saw an awesome cover of Britney's I Wanna Go with The Hunger Game relations, and it was fabulous. See it HERE! I. CANNOT. WAIT. FOR. THE. MOVIE. ROAR! Hopefully it won't be a complete disappointment. And I've been obsessed with Avril's Innocence for two days already, when I listen to it, it's like...so touching to me. 

My holiday's been...unproductive apparently. I was supposed to send it a complete attendance record to the school yesterday. Which I haven't started at all. I doubt all of the secretaries have done so. And as for my moral project, well let's just say it's coming along, probably have to start tomorrow, and finish it tomorrow. And plan my...introductory speech on Saturday which I have to go through a hundred times? And preparations for mom's dance party on Sunday morning.

Apparently I was in a...agitated mood last night, and kinda snapped at Tek, sorry D: And I still don't get what I was annoyed about. PMS-ing? Oh well, it's all good now, just bored. And alone at home, but then again, even if I wasn't, I'd still be equally bored. God, give me the motivation to do my work please. On a totally irrelevant note, I shall stay true to myself, my roots. In life not everyone will like me, they'll just have to make do then. Oh well.

And seeing those diabetic-sweet posts from Jay and Kyan just makes my skin crawl :X I AM JEALOUS (am I? Maybe). -Sigh-

A letter.

To myself:

On the outside, you know you're not the innocent person any more. You've been through much lately, too much. But on the inside, deep down at your core, there will always be a part of you that rejects reality, things that happen around you, and always hold on to that beautiful moment with hope, ever more. Live life your way, nobody should dictate what you do and what you think. Believe in what you think is right, not what they think is right.

Do not forget who you are,
Myself.

"This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay.
This moment is perfect, please don't go away."
"It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry."
Innocence - Avril Lavigne.

Call.

Nokia N9

Oh, and today I saw the white iteration of the iPod Touch which I want :X But it was behind glass, in it's box. They don't want the customers to get a taste of the iOS 5 that comes pre-installed I guess. And I got to see the new Nokia N9, and it's GORGEOUS. But the OS is kinda...lacking app support, and they're releasing the Nokia 800 Sun tomorrow in London, which has the same looks and the Windows Phone 7.5 OS. That shall be one of my dream phones. (for now, and yes multiple because I'm a indecisive greedy bitch :X)

Twenty-Five

So, today's supposed plan of taking photos and discussing our moral project and doing paperwork, ended up sort of different. In the end, it was taking photos, walking and posing as random models for some random dude in the park, and making a small fuss about what to eat, then sitting at McDonald's for 2 hours crapping with irrelevance to the moral project. But hey, that's how we roll. In the end, we followed our original plan of going to Mid Valley for our...not so melodious karaoke session. TEK, WHY YOU NO BRING IC/STUDENT CARD? -_- Oh well, I don't mind forking out another extra 4-5 bucks actually. Hehe, oh well. Just remember next time :D (Or, there won't be a next time :X) Hahahaha, just kidding, I'll remind you repeatedly the night before, and for goodness sake wear socks or you'll end up getting a scrape again. Got buffet...uhh, Hi-Tea, I presume. WITH CUTE LOOKING COOKIES AND CAKES :D Come to think of it, more like a limited choice of things. But in the end, it's not some fancy-smancy five-star restaurant. Maybe we should one day, save specially for that. (By the way, Tek, you owe me RM27. Treasurer mode: ON).

So it was the usual screeching, belting, random-noise making, annoying each other with the random-noises made (LOL). But it's the people that make it so special. <3 And I love singing, my new passion :D Plus, my feet hurt so bad, but I don't know why.

Quote of the day: If you save money for something especially, you won't feel like you're giving a part of your life savings, because it's supposed to be for that usage. So, save up and have fun later! :D

On another note: SHIT! The stupid Koku attendance records are supposed to be emailed in tomorrow. Oh, sod it. I'll do it next time, when I feel like it. 

To Dad.

To Dad:

You think you know every single thought I have, every single thing I do. Don't you, Dad? Don't plant words in my mouth that I have never, and never will say. Like, I read that NLP book you asked me to, yesterday. It said, there are three filters in our human brains, deletion, distortion and generalization. You've deleted the good things I've done to nag at me, distorted your own view of your own son, and generalized me to the status quo of being like every other teenager. You yourself said, that there is the generation gap. And yet, you act like you've never said it before. Being hypocritical doesn't make it better, in fact it makes it worse. I was silent and holding back tears in the car today. That is why I insisted on following Mom to work and taking the LRT to school. Because, apparently you don't read the signs clearly enough, that I don't want to hear this now. Crossed arms, head down and looking out the window should say enough. You say you're tired of repeating this over and over again, well then, don't. I've already done more than I have before, but you just don't see that. This sounds kind of harsh, but you'll never see this. So, here. Here you have it. Here it is. Love you dad, but. FOR FUCK'S SAKE, stop the life lessons that we've both grown bored of. -B.

EPC (also Day 28)

The moment I got news that the class lists were out at the very beginning of the year (or the very end of last year, can't actually place it). I was like "Please let me have friends that I already know, please please please." Then I saw the list, someone posted it on Facebook. Going through the list, I smirked, seeing Weng Hei, Li Wen, Tien Sern and some others that I've already known for awhile, the first being since we were mere kindergarteners. (♥) But seeing all these unfamiliar names, made me sceptical about whether this is going to be a good year. I remember XY responding to my friendly hello-nice-to-meet-you comment on the class list, the first person to talk to me since I became officially a 4S3ian (or Ehstrian as we like to call it) the name just sticks, doesn't it? Now, 10 (closing in on 11) months into the year, wow things have certainly changed. It's natural that groups will form, people with similar interests, characters and what no will flock together, forming inseparably bonds of friendship and anyone would be hard-pressed to break. It's not on purpose (okay maybe a little) but it happens. And thus the birth of EPC and the unnamed back-of-the-class gang which we refer to as the DaiLouBong, but by the end of the day, We're all still Ehstrians. Like Malaysians without the racial differences, equal.

The Epic Poetry Club, or more commonly referred to as the acronym EPC, came into light when the group was created under the name Ehstrians Porn Club (which now I see is just wrong), on the 3rd of July 2011. Because the formation of the group was based on a bunch of horny bastards :P Obviously now, less of the perversion, we've matured :P The group was ACTUALLY created because I felt like we're annoying the other people in the Ehstrians Facebook group chat, so to avoid any unnecessary banter, why not move? Damn, I had more to write last night but I got chased off the computer, instant memory loss. To date, EPC has 17 members, but the core group is always myself, Tek, XY, Jay, Kyan, Hong, Alvin, Jean and Xiang and our latest addition, a non-Ehstrian -- Meshell, my dear sista. Sure, we may seem like people of randomness and talk like whores (maybe that's just me :X) but like I said, the inseparable bond is well, inseparable (WOW, I never would have known, thank you Einstein, geez) WHAT'S MORE, some of those bonds grew stronger. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. (To those who don't either you're epically blunt, or just blind). That (and Tek's blogpost) reminded me of the games of Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle (Correction fluid bottle), oh the sweet memories. But why dwell on the past? We've grown up, facing life in one-way-or-another, together or on our own, that's up to us individually, nobody should dictate the way another lives, but in the end, the answer is usually together.

"Win together, lose together, TEAMMATES!"
-Troy Bolton; High School Musical

Bonded over the times we had during the class trip back in September, my first trip sans parents. And it was I think, the most fucking awesome trip I've ever had. No boundaries, no rules (other than self-imposed ones, or that'd sound slutty) just food (okay maybe not so much of that) and friends, fun and sun, sea and wind. Which reminds me, I haven't told the story of that trip yet. I'll just include it here then. Key points are mainly, how awesome I think the ocean is (IT'S A FUCKING AWESOME PLACE), so, I was like "Sod it, my clothes will get dirty anyway, and went to feel the cool waters on the first day, when we were SUPPOSED to visit a temple thingy. (Don't get me wrong, nothing religious -_- I just needed the water :D) So, sandy feet in a shoe full of sand, trod past the front facade of the hotel and to our apartment room to clean-up. AND I TELL YOU. THE WHOLE FLOOR WAS SAND AFTER THAT, ugh. Anyway, while the rest of the crew went swimming and played ball, at that time I didn't know what or how it is. Weng Hei....due to personal matters, couldn't join them in the water. So me and her went for a walk on the beach, and got caught by Mr. Lim on the way out of the hotel. (LOL) And we stayed up late talking, playing truth or dare, until 1am then some were like "I'm gonna pass out soon" (tacitly of course) so in the end, we stopped there. BUT! But, I couldn't sleep, because the room was friggin' cold and SOMEONE was pulling MY blanket away from ME. The nerve (joking, chill bro :P). And so I tried many attempts to keep my feet within the confines of the blanket, which didn't work much in the end I just sat there, and suddenly Jay woke up (odd) and sat on the floor (even more odd) and then I apparently fell asleep, for what? Half an hour? IN WHICH THE TIME, HE SAID I SNORED LIKE A COW (okay maybe not in those words, and actually I don't mind :P Overly dramatic me :X) Supposed to wake up at, uhh THREE-THIRTY, to watch the sunrise. (Gosh, the sun doesn't rise at 3.30am, nothing does -.-) in the end postpone to 5.30, and still had to wait until about 6.40 before the sun came up. So we sat on the beach, me talking to my half-awake friends. And some of the others went to the other side of the beach, for what, I don't know.

Tek's manning the camera (xiang's iP3Gs)

Sunrise wasn't spectacular, what did we do after that again? Went biking I think, then island hopping, the usual things. And captain ball in the evening, that was the game they played the day before. DAMN FUN YOU KNOW? I remember blocking Kyan from view. Don't know why, but I was the only EPCian, not with the others. :/ But still, awesomeness. Wait, this post is supposed to be on EPC :/ I shall put this part in quotation then. Anyway, during the truth or dare. SECRETS WERE REVEALED (kind of the point of the game actually) and some were totally expected, others just mindfucked me for a moment, then I realized "I knew it!" -.- Okay not going to go too far in detail, all in all, it was the time of my life (at that moment). I'd go back to September all the time (haha, no I wouldn't some, unpleasant, things happened in that month also, but still, awesome.) EPCians are my best friends, no, better, friends I can count on, that will be there, real friends. Can talk about anything for hours with no end, unless someone has to go that is. Tolerate each other's flaws and appreciate the awesomeness.

I've gotten SO VERY attached at one point, that I even refused to go out to dinner, just because I'd miss out on something, but oh well. Can't starve myself for too long (Starving now actually -.-) Now, it isn't THAT BAD any more, thanks to some...incidents a while back :X

Point is, I'll be here to lend a hand (or an ear, if needed) whenever you need. Sure, I'm an insulting bitch in group chats :P But, I'm not an insensitive one (okay maybe sometimes, that's not the point). So, consult me at any time, for any thing, always open-minded me :P

Through them, I've discovered myself, the side I've always doubted, the loud-mouthed sassy bitch. Used to be a quiet, collected introvert. Things have changed in 10 months. And I look forward to more change in the coming days, for the better or for the worse, change will come anyway, just have to adapt to it. Like how I've adapted to some things that the person involved will understand this sentence :P Unlike Tek, I won't say "Friends Forever", because that sounds lame HAHAHAHA (no offense). But, you all will always be in my heart, for as long as I live, memory failure will not erase what we have going on here and in the coming days (I used 'coming days' twice already, damn...now I sound lame). What more can I say? My life is almost completely orientated around you people, that I'd thought in the way beginning we'd never get along. That's a good thing, the completely orientated part, it means I can't live without you guys, never can I picture my life without you. This is beginning to sound sappy. So I should stop here and continue some other time.

I love you. Aku cinta akan kamu. Wo ai ni. Aishiteru. Saranghaeyo. ♥

Images.

"I see me through you eyes."
I See You from the Avatar Soundtrack; Leona Lewis.

 Okay, I've thought about what I'm going to say, yet I just forgot it. Ah yes, according to the excerpt from the song as shown above, the way I translate this, is that a best friend's eyes are the best mirrors you can ever have. They see all sides of you, including the sides you yourself don't. The difference between normal mirrors and the best ones, are that the latter is stronger and reinforced, to put up with all the fucking crap you throw at it. But when you see yourself, you realize the truth.

Smile

Reading through the Give Me Hope (GMH) website's posts, shows me the world still has many people that care about each other and that they will get through anything. So, I will smile and keep on smiling when faced with hardships. Because I am surrounded by people who do care, directly or otherwise. Well actually, I already do smile almost all the time. x)

"Their limbs marked by scratches,
Their legs full of wounds,
But on their brows,
There was not a sign of despair."
-In The Midst of Hardship; Latiff Mohidin.

Hmm...

Last day, sitting here doing nothing because my Physics practical book is apparently still with our dear Pn. Sim, so yeah. Had a nice nap today, needed it, but still sleepy after that. Got...disturbed awake by Weng Hei's mom, came to pick up a book. Exams were, let's say interesting. Chem was okay, Bio was kind of unexpected -.- Maths was urghhh. Didn't manage to finish all (And some didn't know how to do, so I loaded my gun and fired away, turns out some proved to be accurate. I can be an assassin :X)

Need to revise my holiday plans.

• Moral project to 'clean up' Taman Jaya this Saturday
• Fucking moral project paperwork because the bitch said so.
• Read my Percy Jackson books and  Shopaholic books
• Watch HIMYM S6 and (Hmm, what other TV series I haven't finished yet.)
• Movies (Black Swan again [God, I love that movie], Pirates 4, etc.)
• Outing, ohmygod I need to go out, even though I've got lunch plans tomorrow, that doesn't count as an outing :P More like a date LOL, kidding :/
• FB + Youtube + Tumblr + Blog as usual, (Tumblr is a place where one can find gorgeous photos and life stories, and it can successfully double as a porn resource)

Didn't do much today, just observed and did research on people (Stalk is such a harsh word) during the exams when they're all like flustered, I apparently can read faces :D Yayy for me. Cheers to the freaking weekend, and the following week, I drink to that yeahhh. Because I need to maintain my sobriety when the papers return after that, so it'll act as a mind-numbing thing. Just kidding, I don't drink. I AM A GOOD BOY. Like a good boy, like a good boy, nananana I'm following the rules like a good boy (Nigahiga - Like a Good Boy). That was random, so, what should I do now? Tell me :D -B

Two

Okay, so there's like less than 48 hours to the end. Not the world, dumbass. Exam season, woots! No more unnecessary exam-gibberish and drama, oh how I've longed for that moment, and it's so close. BUT YET SO FAR! Today sat for Add.Maths and English, add.maths was unexpectedly evil, well I should have expected that, overconfidence? (Nothing to be confident about anyway, so I doubt that's the case :/) And English, dammit I spent a whole hour on one measly question, and until now (after asking numerous people) still not getting a clear answer, EVEN THE INTERNET SAYS BOTH ARE ACCEPTABLE. Okay whatever, so now I have no idea what to do, obviously I'm supposed to be studying now right? But I feel like sleeping. Sleep deprivation over the past few weeks is making me go bonkers. So sad.

REBECCA BLOOMWOOD IS GETTING MARRIED! Well obviously I knew that, it's on the cover of the book -.- Luke Brandon is so much hotter in my mind, I ruined that image slightly by googling the actor they chose to portray him in the movie installment. Damn!

Tomorrow is another tough day, well not the day, the papers. Chemistry, Biology paper 3s and Mod.Maths objectives (this one can...refer to answers :P) So, yeah. So mood-less to do these,  shall we say, redundant things? Oh well, just two more days, then I can sleep. OH WAIT! FUCK YOU MORAL TEACHER -.- Now I need to spend my holidays doing another 'kerja amal' paperwork, ugh. Just because I don't have photos, and it's all my epic laziness' fault, doesn't mean you can like, suddenly dump this on me. Okay, I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but during a breakdown moment. VULNERABLE -.- Oh well, guess I'd better hop to it ASAP. -B

Chatterbox

Sometimes, I think I tend to talk too much, and then I get annoying. Is this true? Tell me if I'm talking too much or making you feel uneasy or something. Hehe, can't really believe that barely 2 years ago, I was the kind of person to shy away from conversation and preferring to keep to myself, to avoid unwanted drama or awkwardness from people probably. And now, well if you're reading this, you probably know the 'me' now. Cheers!

Quote

Being there for people, because you know what it's like to have no one. -Tumblr post.

Oh why?

Facing books and Facebooking.

This is just a random I'm-so-freaking-bored-and-there's-nothing-to-do post. Yeah sure, I'm supposed to be facing my books, well I am Facebooking. Close enough. Today, hmm let's see. Physics, objective paper, not that hard actually. Just that the paper-setters are evil people that tried to trick me at the last question. And each question is set so you can't refer to another for an idea. But overall, wasn't too sucky. OTHER THAN SOME PEOPLE WHO CAN'T GET OVER IT, that is. But, Chinese. Fucking bloody murder that one. Got mind-fucked by the what-do-you-call-that. The ancient text translation crap, and the rest of the paper. And my epic-fail level Chinese doesn't help much. :/

Tomorrow. English 2, with the retarded summary. MISTER CEDRIC CHAN YOU'D BETTER OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES BIGGER AND SEE MY POINTS, YOU COW! And Add.Maths :D I'm starting to like it, who cares if I suck (well parents and teachers and myself do, but still), liking something is like, the first step, yeah?

Recently, I feel like a whole other person. A less bitchy and evil person. In fact, I'm like, damn nice. But obviously you know that. Doesn't mean I'm not evil and bitchy anymore though, so don't get too sad about missing me. See you all so, erm... un-chill lately, don't wanna make it worse. Still it does happen occasionally. Too hard to resist the urge to insult :/ I'm a mean person. But, yeah. and now, I'm bored again. Suggest something for me to do? I've got a whole list of movies to watch beginning in T-minus three days! And HIMYM 6 and Ghost Whisperer, and my books. I actually stayed up til 4am last Saturday just to finish a book. If only my persistence and effort were to be channeled into something more productive, eh?

Random side-note: I want an iPod Touch D: Save money, save save money. IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY MONEY MO-- Shut up bitch, you don't need to care because you're filthy rich :/ Hah, just joking. But seriously though, iTouch >.< And I wanna go to the beach, because the ocean is a gorgeous place, but sadly. The nearby (and some not so nearby) beaches are more like bitches -.- Dirty and disgusting. Haven't been to an east-coast beach before, maybe sometime soon. So, in the end, I'm still bored, bored bored bored. Like my new blog music? Part of the Black Swan soundtrack, which is the most awesome movie I've seen this year (Although I haven't actually watch many other movies, wait til next week then). -B

Four

Four, just four. Four more days of exhilarating papers, I AM READY (actually I'm not, but whatever) SO BRING IT! Tomorrow having Chinese 2, maybe I'll go memorize the strange poems and read through whatever necessary. Chinese 2 is way better than the essay-writing will ever be, same goes for Malay. Either that, or I'm just terrible at writing. Shit -.- Today, BM1, I almost had a nervous breakdown for no reason, just keep fidgeting there and staring around. And maths, well basically the same thing. I AM GOING INSANE! And doesn't help with sleep deprivation -.-

In other news, I've got a date for Friday (I think), still in the works. Yayy, and moral project (It's a sad yet happy thing) on Saturday, gonna be a productive after-exam de-stress period. Woots, my stress doesn't come from the exams though, just there is a rock hovering above me, or on me. Oh well. Cheers to the freaking weekend I drink to that, ye-ah! :D

B.

Ms. Kyan

This photo has two people, ONE TOTALLY AWESOME ONE, and the other is Miss Chee Kit Yan, or as we like to call her Kyan, I don't know why, probably from the Nyan-cat crazy at the time, still don't have the foggiest clue about what the hell is so interesting about some random rainbow-pooping pop tart. Okay back to the photo, isn't it gorgeous, my camera's workmanship. This is one of the more decent photos of me from the trip, the others look retarded, maybe is the beautiful person beside me that makes it all better, handsome fella + beautiful girl = photogenic, hey Jay-bro, don't get jealous. I don't steal people from people, especially ones whom I love oh-so-much x) So nothing to be worried about. Ahahaha! :D Okay, let's hop to it then.

Let me see, let me see, what do we have here? A prime specimen I supposed since she caught the eye of a certain someone which I evidently have already mentioned a few moments ago. (OOPS!) But, basically the whole world knows what's going down anyway, so... Okay, personality. Lazy, YES! ANOTHER LAZY PERSON, among the bunch of hardworking ants I mingle around with, but obviously she's more hardworking, or just that I give less damns than her :/ Either one. Another word for her, cute :D WITH AN EPIC CUTE VOICE (when she loses her normal voice, which is sometimes deeper than mine :x)

AWWWW :3

OHMYGOD, I just noticed how skinny her arm is in the photo (top), compared to her I'm a whale ._. A big-ass whale. Hmm, I'm at loss of words momentarily. My vocab seems to be failing me a lot, of late. What else to say? OHH, awesomely generous too, allows me to copy her answers during exam, nearly got apprehended once :/ Oh well. Good times we had on Pangkor eh? I know you particularly enjoyed a certain bike ride with a certain someone, picture (above right). Wishing you good luck first, you know what I mean. President of our EPC, how awesome is that? Because, she's hmm, how do I put this in a less crude way. Ah, she's very knowledgeable, in that sense. Also she's damn clever, WHY YOU SO CLEVER? D: Birds of a feather flock together, HAHAHA. No, I didn't mean myself, but that too. LOL

Well, guess that's it. FOR NOW, there's always a for now, because we can look forward to the future, no not future-sight (Pokemon :P), Love you <3
B.

Ms. Meshell

This here is my awesome sista -- Meshell Cheah. First met her in Form 1, we've come a long way. Sat behind her in both Form 1 and 2, and she thinks I'm annoying. I AM NOT ANNOYING! Okay I am, but want your attention, what else am I supposed to do? HAHA. So let's see what I've got to say about this pretty lady here.

For starters, my first best friend in CHS, aww. She's quite vicious at times and acts all awesome, but she is awesome, don't get me wrong. EVIL PEOPLE RULE THE WORLD! And she's got a Mr. Chu (or we call him Lambo on Facebook as it's his display name), yes dear, I know his real name. Well, not surprising since she's so cute :3 But not my type, AND I DON'T DATE MY OWN SISTA. Oh oh, and she loved Aaron Yan, well she did, don't know 'bout now, but I suppose since she reblogged some of his photos on Tumblr (Which is a fantastic place, if I might say so myself). And we get along extraordinarily well, for people of our demeanor, but we if we had one thing in common, it would be being a complete narcissist, yes my dear. You're just as self-loving as I am. HAHA, no wonder we're friends. And you're evil, evil evil evil. Evil is good though, it's always good, just that some people don't like it and will go all IDGAF when they actually do, it's so sad really.

Aaaaand, we haven't gone out in quite awhile. How 'bout a date, cutie? LOL okay, that's wrong. I jsut said I don't date my own sista. Hahaha, but well, we NEED to go out some time, been ages. Okay, maybe n- actually yes, it's been ages. When? Year-end break? Anyway back to story, and we got to know each other swell because her name starts with C and mine is B, so we sit front-back with each other during exams, and what better way to bond by talking about exams right? This is a true fact. And thank you my dear for the...origami things :D The super cute owls which are right beside me, in the box. And that retarded dragon which I have no idea where it went. Seems like I have nothing bad/evil to say about you. OH YEAH! you're short and fat :P But I'm fat too, so sad. BUT I'M WAY TALLER THAN YOU! Booyah!

So, that's all for now I guess, always more to come in the future. Time stops for no one, unless you have epic time-stopping powers like the Japanese guy in Heroes did. LOL Love ya sista <3
Bra :D

IDGAF

Sometimes there just aren't enough fucks to go around.

One more week of exam to go, and I'm not concerned how things will turn up, quite frankly. A picture paints a thousand words, so I'll just let it say what I want. Cheers :D Plus, there is no need for gratuitous worries, like there aren't enough already. So no, you won't find the fucks I give because there are none. x)

Exams exams exams

'Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la. Yeah right, December is still 2 months away. Now, it's the dreaded time of the year, well actually it already started like 2 weeks ago, but still it goes on, for another week, then people won't be so riled up all the time. God, I long for that day to come, and it's 5 days away. Everything has been 'exam this, exam that' and 'OH, I will do that after the exams.' Well actually you can just do it now, by the time you'd already got bored/forgot about it. But, you do what you like, doesn't concern me much.

Just one more. One more week. One more week of torture, staring down at my paper at times and screaming in my head, but hey, even if I'd study, I wouldn't remember most of it anyway (yes, it's a honest-to-goodness statement), for the past one and a half decade of my existence, I've never actually used a reference book, and when I attempted it last week, it seemed so alien. Okay maybe a bit on the exaggerated side, but still. Counting down the minutes to Friday, yayyyy. IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY, FUN FUN FUN FUN!

Promised myself to study hard next year, like everyday, hopefully the determination of realization shows more. JUST YOU WAIT. but I'm not gonna do it to prove a point, if I feel it becomes like that, I'll probably stop midway. Oh well, insouciance for the win. Ignorance is bliss sometimes, but I'm always in the want to know -.-

Aaaaand, I stayed up til 4am to finish my book, Shopaholic takes Manhattan. If only this persistence were to be channeled into something more productive yeah? Got 2 more shopaholic books, 2 Percy Jackson ones, How I Met Your Mother S6 (And possibly 7) lined up, and loads of movies I haven't watched, which I should sometime, or they'd seem like a waste. Definitely watching Black Swan again, it's like the best movie :D Exam's not over yet and I'm already planning my uhm, vacation into the world of unreal-ism. Cheers to the end of the semester! :D

Stuff

 Some facts that some people misunderstand about me.

1. I can tell you anything about myself, IF you ask and if I trust you. Absolutely anything, but I won't tell you without you asking, because I don't know if you want to know, or what you do. So, just ask.
2. I LOATHE people that say things halfway and then stop, especially when they you I want to know, THAT IS JUST CRUEL.
3. Same goes with talking about something you don't want me to know really obviously RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
4. I find the British, Australian and bimbo accents really fascinating, and so I attempt them often.
5. Seriously, I am a NICE PERSON. But sometimes I get bored or fed up at being nice for too long towards something, and the poison will leak. And sometimes I do it for fun, but no ill-intentions there.
6. I suck at memorizing, and I forget stuff that I think of the next second, which annoys myself.
7. I have weird tastes in interests, colours and stuff, but I don't care what bad things you say about me.
8. Sometimes I want the world to know about myself. Damn, I am a cow -.-
9. Want to know more, follow the instructions given in #1.

Mr. Tek

This here is Yi Chyn, but we call him Tek, because he thinks it's not nice. IT'S A NAME NICE, DUDE! Okay, I think you can stop looking the photo now. Yes, I know he's hot, I HAVE GOOD TASTE IN FRIENDS. Please be so kind as to redirect your attention here, thanks again. I SAID LOOK HERE! Yes, yes sexy. I know, but still. You're already probably taken if you see this, so don't think of having an affair from my blog.

Anyway, I first saw this dude about 2 years ago, but it was kinda from a distance, but he looked well hot (multiple sources) at the time, and I don't think I forgot about this person. No, it wasn't some sort of gay fling there -.- But now know him much much much better already, that feeling isn't there anymore, HAHAHA, maybe he looks better from a distance? Okay enough of that, let's see what to say.

This fella here, has MASSIVE EYEBROWS and small eyes, well not that small now that I actually look at them, long eyelashes probably, SUPER PALE SKIN (vampire? -.-) and a fleshless bony physique, and hairy arms, can't forget about that. HAHA! Looks like some guy from China at times. This dude is a deceptive one. Puts up an act sometimes, but I see through that because I'm, like, awesome... and empathetic.So don't try to deceive me, or I'll bring you agony you'll never forget :) Oh well, got something to say but I'm not gonna say it. Like the saying goes, "If you didn't see it with your eyes, or hear it with your ears, don't think stuff with your small mind and say things your big mouth." For someone who doesn't watch porn, this fella seems to know an awful lot, BAD FRIENDS! BAD BAD ONES! TEACH YOU BAD THINGS! Except me, because I'm just, well, awesome (I already said that). I sound like such a cow. (Cow is British for bitch)

Let's see, hmmmm. Time for a list.
(√) means totally, (≈) means sometimes/kinda, (x) means not at all.

1. Awesome (√) - Of course he is, I don't make friends with people I don't like right? Simple logic.
2. Evil (√) - Very, but I can be just as or even more, don't try me. Evil is good.
3. Pretentious (≈) - At times yeah, I don't like it.
4. Funny (√) - Makes me laugh all the time x)
5. Saddening (≈) - And the thought of it being 'sometimes' just saddens me more. ):
6. A cow/bitch (x) - I don't think I've seen him act like a cow before, that's just me :D
7. Good looking (≈) - Well at least better than me, and I don't say this often, so cherish the moment!

AND HOW DARE YOU, JUST HOW DARE YOU! You know exactly the kind of person I am, and yet still dare to say ______ in front of me like nobody's god damn business. Not only one time, and I've barely got over it each time, so for the sake of my mental and emotional state, don't do that. Unless you want me to know something, just forget about it, don't give too many innuendos. So just, just cut it out. It's like, you all know something that I don't, and I feel fucking left out. You all made me feel like I blend for the first time, don't take away that feeling. -.- Or I'll cry. D:

End on a happy note, shall we? Me and him, also come from different backgrounds, not entirely different as Jay but still, nobody is identical, not even identical twins, they just share DNA not personalities, and USUALLY (Not always) get along perfectly. Same goes to show, opposites attract. MAGNETISM FTW! Still, I'll be supporting you (no, you cannot climb on my shoulder -.-) you know what I mean x) BUAHAHAHA.

You know I love ya,
Bra :D

Mr. Jay

Take one good look at this photo. Well, yeah it could have been bigger, but that would redirect your attention because he's so handsome, innit? Okay you can stop staring at him now. Eyes back here. I SAID LOOK HERE, BITCH. Okay, thanks.

This here is Jayden. My awesome brother-figure that I got to know only this year. Overtly somewhat-manly (multiple sources), obviously, like someone who lived in brotherhood all his life. With the perpetually 'chillax' face, sometimes it's hard to read him, and I'm sort of good at reading faces. Face may not be an open book, but at least he's got an open mind, which is cool. Some people are just too, let's call it, insecure. Some one I can count on, well certainly I hope so. DON'T YOU DARE BETRAY ME OR YOUR LIFE WILL BE HELL ON EARTH, and after that moment of impulse, a smile will always make it better. So, :)

Hmm, what else can I use to describe him? Ah yes, we've got a hairy fella here. You know what I mean, don't need to go on with an in-depth description yeah? A constant mini-afro on his head, and some curls elsewhere. HAHAHAHA. Okay, personality, hmm what to say? What to say? Apparently he says he's pure. YOU PURE, MY ASS! Pfft, for someone who eagerly talks about porno, he claims he's pure, anti-yaoi [gay porn just sounds so...disturbing] though (so sad). If you're pure, then I'm squeaky, which I am most certainly not, so...you get the idea. Funny, friendly, chill and cool, really hard to see why someone has eyes out for him. God, that sounds so gay, but never mind that's just me.

One of my few close guy friends as well. I don't have that many guy friends, so sad. But seldom find something in common, or seldom a personality attraction is found. But he and 3 others have changed my life, as in expose me to more guy-style thinking. The author here is more female-thinking orientated, but I don't mind one bit. Okay back to him, let's see, okay he's hardworking. Well WAY more hardworking than myself, I'm an epic lazy-ass. So he has better results, smart person ToT Caring and awesome to those around him, and especially that certain someone who reciprocates, AWW SO CUTE! Okay, too much info. Heavy/Death metal person (I think, not too sure with the genres, didn't like it at first, now more acceptable, if I play it soft that is HAHA) Come on brain, THINK. Well, actually I just can't form the suitable words, INEFFABLE Jayden -.- and thus, we both come from almost totally different backgrounds with many differences, and really big one, but we get along perfectly fine. Acceptance is the first step (Y) Shoot, I just thought of something, then forgot.

Uhh...

Ah yes, the Pangkor-Ehstrians class trip, the best part of the year so far, more awesomeness to come, and that was when THAT (you-know-what-I'm-talking-about) happened, no, no one lost their virginity -_- Bus ride, bike ride, in-room fun, beach fun and all that, so romantic. OBVIOUSLY NOT TO ME, that special someone, hopefully the day comes soon. I'll be rooting for you backstage yo. Okay well, that wasn't alot, and there's still alot more in my mind but my word-database seems to be failing me, so I'll leave it here, will pick up in another section if something awesome comes along.

Love ya Jay,
Bryan x)