Cookies!

Aww Kyan, your cookies. Such a loving caring gesture. (Okay this kinda sounds sarcastic, but it's sincere, and this has probably nothing to do with me LOL) But to someone, it would probably mean the world, and then some.  Baked with effort and love. The cookies were nice by the way :D Not too sweet (but they say sweet, don't know) kinda chewy, soft already maybe? :x Inspired me to go bake cookies also, if only I could find the ingredients...:x Damn, forgot to take photos of your cookies, Rueyying brought her camera today, and I managed to take a few shots only, not as productive as the usual 200+ photos, and I still haven't gotten a new profile picture for myself, obviously I'm not gonna go take one of me in the mirror cause I don't do that, plus my phone's camera is shoddy and the compact camera isn't much better anyway. Oh well

They looked something like this, not exactly though.
CLOSE ENOUGH! 

Yum.

Pan-fried salmon with a minty white sauce and cheesy spiral pasta with salmon (from the same piece). I'm such a good cook. HAHAHAH. Too bad can't take a photo of it because I don't have a camera (and I already eaten like half of it, but still) But, imagine the deliciousness, the awesomeness. Then you'll get the idea.

"Dear Fucker,

You are my fucking friend

And I hope you know that's fucking true

No matter what the fuck happens

I will stand the fuck by you

I will fucking be there for you

Whenever the fuck you need me,

FUCK, I will always be there."

— Tumblr. ♥

Like, totally.

Blank

First day of school, after one week. And then in another two weeks, I'll be bidding farewell to my life as a Form Four student. My, how time flies. I guess the old fun goes, for the new fun to come along. Some, well quite a few, exam papers have been returned. And they ain't looking too good. But, there are improvements, minor ones, but nevertheless improvements. Like add maths going from 28 (final) to 38 (w/o PEBEL). Not too bright, but still. Drew some blanks here and there, but nothing to be worried about. :D Just sometimes the suspense before taking the paper is...surprising. Oh well, I'm okay with everything.

Well not everything, Pn Sim's retirement (noooooo D:) is on Thursday together with the graduation ceremony for the Form Fives (our turn next year). And originally they asked for volunteers, 15 or so people to sing during the ceremony. But then, today before the rehearsal, they cut down to 5-6 people and want us to combine with other classes. The nerve! So in the end, John decided to pull out, but then they kind of are forcing (?) us to sing, with 10 people. Now I can't find two more, totally annoyed.

At least, I probably won't get a failing grade this term, ACHIEVEMENT. Next year will be better, definitely! only two more weeks to the end of the schoolyear. NO MORE CLIMBING UP 4 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS EVERYDAY MULTIPLE TIMES! Totally... and now, my mind just went blank. So, I'll just go find a nice photo to be included here...one second.

You, are like the leaf,

In the autumn

If you don't change when supposed,

You'll be stuck there for a longer time.

When you fall, you move,

With the wind of the sky,

And the flow of the streams.

But, changing into wrong,

Falling into wrong places,

Will just get you stuck elsewhere.

Make a change,

No,

Be the change.

Move on when all else fails.

Don't get stuck,

Don't.

Carefree, not careless.

Peace

When the power of love 

Overcomes the love of power,

 The world will know peace.
♥

Silence isn't always golden.

The haunting silence of night.

"Silence makes real conversations. Not the saying, but never needing to say is what counts."

"Words will sting, but silence is what breaks the heart." -Phyllis McGinely

"Tears are a sometimes sign of unspoken happiness, and a smile is sometimes a silent pain."

"Music is the silence between the notes."

"If you do not understand my silence, how can you understand my words?"

"Silence is a person's loudest cry. You know they are truly hurt when they start ignoring you." -Brandon Hughes.

"Sometimes I don't tell you what I'm feeling, because I'm hoping the silence between us will give you a clue."

"Most of us do not desire silence. An absence of sound can amount to torture."

With these sealed lips.

Away

This is me reporting from the Bukit Bendera Resort, Mentakab, Pahang. It's not much of a resort anyway, quaint little town here, not the first time I've been here though, this is the 4th or 5th time already. Mom's dance party is tomorrow morning, and I still haven't prepared my speech thing fully. Shit -.- And my moral project, oh dear, when will I get start on that.

The Internet connection is freaking slow here, yeah, public WiFi, better than nothing yeah? At least I'm still able to get on FB (though there's no one there so basically I'm alone, HOW SAD) and taking forever to load YouTube videos, so I guess i'm going to listen to the same song over and over again but I don't mind anyway, it's a nice song I've been playing for like, 5 days already? Innocence by Avril Lavigne. <3

McD's new Classic Chicken McDeluxe was nice, had that for lunch just now. Something different, well not really, it's basically a crisped-up more meaty McChicken in the Spicy Chicken McDeluxe burger's bun, but nevertheless, it ain't bad.

I am, like, so awkward. There's a mirror in front of me, behind this laptop I'm on now, and I'm like looking up every 30 seconds and smiling retardedly at myself. And I think I'm following like too many gay porn-based Tumblr blogs, but I don't care :D Just that I'm not at liberty to keep my Tumblr dashboard open when there are people around, oh well.

Being normal is lame.

Unique and different is the next generation of beautiful.

Different doesn't always mean weird, sometimes it's just doing something that you've never done before, taking the chances, making your decisions according to yourself, not the norm. And being unique, special, different, makes you hard to be forgotten and replaced. :D That's why special people are OUTSTANDING! Conforming to the likes of other people is like being in war and then surrendering, how sad. And first, this weirdness won't always be visible to others, but when you look at yourself, you know you're special. :D

If "it" meant my sanity.

Skins

It's just so touching, when the characters in Skins hold each other's hand to comfort each other. To reassure them that they're safe. So fucking nice, how they fight, and then apologize with so much emotion. To love, when you think the world is falling apart at your fingertips. It isn't just a sex-filled, potty-mouthed drug-fest. And it's one of the best and painfully true TV shows out there. >< The dilemmas, the mental-instability, the life of a young adult, portrayed boldly on the screen. Just, awesome.

Morning.

Good morning world! I can tell today, will be another boring one. And apparently my phone charges up super fast, it just notified me 'Battery Full' and I plugged it in barely 45 minutes ago. As usual, gonna spent the day sitting here (maybe catch a movie, because I just realized I could plop a DVD into the computer drive and just watch it here, damn I'm retarded) and do my fucking moral project, and then plan my speech, and last but the most friggin' annoying thing, the SM Dude and Fatty Virgin's holiday homework. -Sigh- Putting off things has always been my style, but then I'd just end up with a shitload of work in the end. Complicated. -.-

I opened up my eyes this morning, well about an hour ago, and then I went back to sleep because I wanted to continue that dream. But then, I don't remember it. The good dreams always seem to vanished just like that, while the nightmares linger on. Oh well.

And slowly, the truth behind "If saying what I think makes me a bitch, then so be it" makes so much more sense now, 'cause well, I say it like it is. But in the end, everybody has their own way. So, just let it be. x)

Enraged.

To the society:

I am enraged! Enraged by the sexism present in the world, the racism, the homophobia, the religiousness. When will it stop? In each case there is no better or worse, we're all the same. Humans are humans, love is love. What is so difficult for the world to understand about that? Going through the posts in Tumblr, tagged #love or #equality or #rights, and I see so many stories. Saddening ones, indeed. But there are many supporters of equality too, that warms my heart. At least there are many others that strive for equality. Life is short, but it's the longest thing you'll ever do. Why spend the days loathing someone unlike you in lifestyle or in appearance, when we go 6-feet under we're going to look the same. The world is an ugly place, that's why fantasy exists, so that everyone can be happy, not just the ones who think they're "RIGHT".

Sure, a man having sex with another man is wrong to many, but a man who has sex with all the girls in the world (and gender-wise vice-versa) isn't right either. Every country says they want peace among citizens and other nations, but you don't accept their views, how do you think any of that will be possible? Racism too, you're a Malay, I'm a Chinese, we're Malaysians. That's what people keep saying, but I don't see any truth in the way they talk, of course, there are always the people that believe in the same cause as I do, and that's good. Full-out liberty might stir up chaos in the streets, but being too conservative leaves a worse impact. I realize I have been agnostic of late, and when I see people saying "It's against the Law of the Bible, or God's word to be gay or what not", I feel ashamed to be called a Christian. Every one is entitled to their own opinion, to voice it out, and not have it slammed down to the dirt. But then, the most important thing is mutual respect. So I shall respect your views, in hopes you respect mine, as in not slandering what I believe. The NO H8 campaign is a step in the right direction, to abolish discrimination and promote equal love, no hate! But all these are just my opinions, with no ill-intentions. x)

Peace, love, equality. ♥
From a whole-hearted liberal supporter for equality.

Day 29

To the person I want to tell everything to, but too afraid to.

Who are you? Do you know who you are first, before you want to know me completely. This may sound something like a refusing devil's pact, I'm not gonna sell myself out to just anyone, you have to earn that right. I want and would tell you everything, but then I don't know how I'd cope with the reaction, the way you look at me. Some thing are better left unbeknownst to you, unless you want to know, but if you think something's up, you'd have to come find me, I'm not going to crawl up to your doorpost and just do it without knowing if you want to know or not. So, there you have it :P Do you exist? That's the question. -B.

Amen.

Random.

Samsung Galaxy W

Currently alone at home, and bored like shit. Even shit might be more interesting, but it's disgusting so I won't observe it. And, I just ate so I might throw up, which is a no-go. ANYWAY, apparently, I haven't completed even one thing from my holiday to-do list, how accomplished am I right? And as for the new Nokia phone, scratch that, I saw Samsung's Galaxy W, it's awesome, though not as gorgeous, but TouchWiz 4.0 and a 1.4GHz processor is awesome. Not actually an Android person, but this one comes with such an attractive price for RM999. Okay, now I sound like a tech-geek. BUT IT'S SO (cheap sounds like a horrible word) AFFORDABLE! And it doesn't look that bad either. This is like, a hobby to me now. :X

AND THE HUNGER GAMES. Damn, I just saw an awesome cover of Britney's I Wanna Go with The Hunger Game relations, and it was fabulous. See it HERE! I. CANNOT. WAIT. FOR. THE. MOVIE. ROAR! Hopefully it won't be a complete disappointment. And I've been obsessed with Avril's Innocence for two days already, when I listen to it, it's like...so touching to me. 

My holiday's been...unproductive apparently. I was supposed to send it a complete attendance record to the school yesterday. Which I haven't started at all. I doubt all of the secretaries have done so. And as for my moral project, well let's just say it's coming along, probably have to start tomorrow, and finish it tomorrow. And plan my...introductory speech on Saturday which I have to go through a hundred times? And preparations for mom's dance party on Sunday morning.

Apparently I was in a...agitated mood last night, and kinda snapped at Tek, sorry D: And I still don't get what I was annoyed about. PMS-ing? Oh well, it's all good now, just bored. And alone at home, but then again, even if I wasn't, I'd still be equally bored. God, give me the motivation to do my work please. On a totally irrelevant note, I shall stay true to myself, my roots. In life not everyone will like me, they'll just have to make do then. Oh well.

And seeing those diabetic-sweet posts from Jay and Kyan just makes my skin crawl :X I AM JEALOUS (am I? Maybe). -Sigh-

A letter.

To myself:

On the outside, you know you're not the innocent person any more. You've been through much lately, too much. But on the inside, deep down at your core, there will always be a part of you that rejects reality, things that happen around you, and always hold on to that beautiful moment with hope, ever more. Live life your way, nobody should dictate what you do and what you think. Believe in what you think is right, not what they think is right.

Do not forget who you are,
Myself.

"This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay.
This moment is perfect, please don't go away."
"It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry."
Innocence - Avril Lavigne.

Call.

Nokia N9

Oh, and today I saw the white iteration of the iPod Touch which I want :X But it was behind glass, in it's box. They don't want the customers to get a taste of the iOS 5 that comes pre-installed I guess. And I got to see the new Nokia N9, and it's GORGEOUS. But the OS is kinda...lacking app support, and they're releasing the Nokia 800 Sun tomorrow in London, which has the same looks and the Windows Phone 7.5 OS. That shall be one of my dream phones. (for now, and yes multiple because I'm a indecisive greedy bitch :X)

Twenty-Five

So, today's supposed plan of taking photos and discussing our moral project and doing paperwork, ended up sort of different. In the end, it was taking photos, walking and posing as random models for some random dude in the park, and making a small fuss about what to eat, then sitting at McDonald's for 2 hours crapping with irrelevance to the moral project. But hey, that's how we roll. In the end, we followed our original plan of going to Mid Valley for our...not so melodious karaoke session. TEK, WHY YOU NO BRING IC/STUDENT CARD? -_- Oh well, I don't mind forking out another extra 4-5 bucks actually. Hehe, oh well. Just remember next time :D (Or, there won't be a next time :X) Hahahaha, just kidding, I'll remind you repeatedly the night before, and for goodness sake wear socks or you'll end up getting a scrape again. Got buffet...uhh, Hi-Tea, I presume. WITH CUTE LOOKING COOKIES AND CAKES :D Come to think of it, more like a limited choice of things. But in the end, it's not some fancy-smancy five-star restaurant. Maybe we should one day, save specially for that. (By the way, Tek, you owe me RM27. Treasurer mode: ON).

So it was the usual screeching, belting, random-noise making, annoying each other with the random-noises made (LOL). But it's the people that make it so special. <3 And I love singing, my new passion :D Plus, my feet hurt so bad, but I don't know why.

Quote of the day: If you save money for something especially, you won't feel like you're giving a part of your life savings, because it's supposed to be for that usage. So, save up and have fun later! :D

On another note: SHIT! The stupid Koku attendance records are supposed to be emailed in tomorrow. Oh, sod it. I'll do it next time, when I feel like it. 

To Dad.

To Dad:

You think you know every single thought I have, every single thing I do. Don't you, Dad? Don't plant words in my mouth that I have never, and never will say. Like, I read that NLP book you asked me to, yesterday. It said, there are three filters in our human brains, deletion, distortion and generalization. You've deleted the good things I've done to nag at me, distorted your own view of your own son, and generalized me to the status quo of being like every other teenager. You yourself said, that there is the generation gap. And yet, you act like you've never said it before. Being hypocritical doesn't make it better, in fact it makes it worse. I was silent and holding back tears in the car today. That is why I insisted on following Mom to work and taking the LRT to school. Because, apparently you don't read the signs clearly enough, that I don't want to hear this now. Crossed arms, head down and looking out the window should say enough. You say you're tired of repeating this over and over again, well then, don't. I've already done more than I have before, but you just don't see that. This sounds kind of harsh, but you'll never see this. So, here. Here you have it. Here it is. Love you dad, but. FOR FUCK'S SAKE, stop the life lessons that we've both grown bored of. -B.